One day at a time :)

Writing this blog post feels like an open letter to me because I often need to be reminded of taking one day at a time. If you don't know me personally just let me tell you that I am very goal-driven and sometimes to an extreme.

I love organization and I love a checklist, but recently it has become unhealthy. My days start early and end really late, and most days I function with 3-4 hours of sleep to make sure that each day I finish my checklist. I did not realize how much pressure I put on myself physically, mentally, academically, and financially, and even though this has been beneficial it is not healthy and I know that.

I think the main reason for me being this way is because for a few years I was in "survival mode". For many years I had to figure out everything by myself.

I did not have a lot of support and so I was left with no choice but to work almost non-stop. I worked my entire college career from my Freshman year, and some days I wish I could have experienced my "college years", but that is not possible when you have to manage a job, being an athlete, being in school time full-time and modeling.

Looking back I really do not regret anything, I had to do what I had to do to be able to pay my bills and maintain my scholarship, and I feel like many people do not understand that.

I always felt like nothing was ever good enough, no matter how hard I tried, but looking back I gave my best in each thing I did while balancing so much that many people did not know of. Things were never handed to me and I worked so hard for everything I have now. I did not have an "emergency contact" or someone to lean on when things got rough. I couldn't just call someone and ask for advice, things were a bit different for me and that's okay:) I am a much stronger person for it, and I am grateful for that.

There were some really tough days I'm not going to lie. Days where I felt so alone and lost not sure what I was going to do, but lucky for me I had God on my side.

I did not have the most glamourous time and each month I was just living pay check to pay check and somedays I was so worried about not being able to pay my full rent, but I learned so much during this time.

I did not have the financial freedom to be able to afford things that I wanted at the time, but I was grateful to afford my basic needs and that's enough.

Looking back I would not change a thing, because it taught me hard work, gratefulness, kindness and consistency.

I love the person I am because I know what it felt like to have nothing. I think that is the reason I am so passionate about community outreach, because I know what tough times feel like, and if I can change one person's life, why would I not?

So if you ever wonder why I am up at 3 am, this is the reason.

It's not because I want to its because I feel like I have to, to be able to be in a better position than I was before( I am working on this). I honestly fear being in a position again where I wasn't sure how I was going to pay my insurance or phone bill.

Lucky for me, hard work pays off and I have been blessed with an amazing support system this year and more opportunities to be able to afford living without having to eat Ramen noodles for a week straight so that's a plus.

All in all I have been taking a few "slow" days, no modeling bookings, no strict workout routine and no strict eating plan, and it has been so good, but I have to be honest I feel guilty.

I feel guilty for not maintaining my to-do list, for skipping my workout and stuffing my face with a whole chocolate bar. I feel guilty for not being as active on my socials and that I am not working on my brand. I feel guilty for laying in my bed and sleeping in until 8am. I feel guilty for not planning my next day and for not planning my next booking or travels.

But I am human and it is normal for me to feel this way. Slowing down for me is really hard, but overworking isn't glamourous and I acknowledge this.

Please take one day at a time. Sometimes your best means just getting out of bed and taking a shower and you know what that's good enough. Sometimes your best is just walking a mile instead of running your usual 6 and that's okay too.

Please never feel guilty and never measure your "success" by how much you get done in a day.

I am a HUGE advocate for hard work, but work hard the healthy way.

Take time for yourself, make time for your family and friends, eat that pizza.

We are on earth for a limited amount of time, so make every day count. We are all human and we are not perfect, but we can live each day as our best selves and that's perfection on its own.

Be kind, be giving and take one day at a time :)

Always chase your dreams, and work hard 6 days of the week, but please take a full break on the 7th.

With all my love,

Cindy